The other day I had a realization - I’m going through perimenopause so I want to support my body as much as possible during this time (which could be for YEARS while I go through this). This means looking after my nutrition more than I had been.
I instantly made an appointment with a nutritionist and set some goals around ensuring my body is adequately supported during this time.
This realization, and how easy it was to make, made me so incredibly sad.
Sad for the way I’ve treated my body over the years with horrific yo-yo dieting, and mentally berating myself anytime I didn’t look how I thought I should.
Sad that I felt I couldn’t make this decision while going through my mental health struggles - which are just as valid but often don’t have outwardly seen symptoms so my body didn’t get the love and care it deserved.
After a very teary therapy session, I decided to write a letter to my body ... which you might find weird but I found this really cathartic. I have decided to share this letter as I often wonder if others have felt the same way ...
"Dear Body,
I want to step outside of you, to really look at you and and I want to say to you that I am so so so sorry.
I am so sorry that I didn't do better by you over the years.
I'm sorry that I felt like you weren't enough.
I'm sorry that I didn't know better and was swayed by societies ideas and expectations of females.
I'm sorry that I strived to be something that I couldn't physically be.
I'm sorry that I didn't have faith in you; that I didn't trust that you knew what you were doing.
I'm sorry that I didn't fuel you properly; that I starved you AND overfed you time and time again.
I'm sorry that I tortured you.
I'm sorry that I didn't believe in you
I'm so so sorry.
I can't change the past; I can only change myself moving forward and hope that I haven't done any irreparable damage.
I know that mentally I've really fucked myself up but I really hope that this realisation (that I really need to support you) is able to help us both move forward to a new place of acceptance where we are friends; and I fight you less.
Because you are important to me - you are the only thing I've got here.
I can't do this without you, and I'm sorry I didn't realise it sooner.
I hope you can forgive me."
Comments