Making Kids’ Lunches: A Parenting Choice, Not a Problem

This week I posted something that seemed innocent enough: a little parenting story about my child getting frustrated over sandwiches in their lunchbox. What followed was an unexpectedly intense wave of opinions, debates and even moral judgments. All over whether or not a parent should still be making their teen's lunch.

The Story That Sparked It All

Let me set the scene: I noticed one of my kids hadn’t been eating their sandwiches. When I gently asked about it, I got hit with a pretty sharp response: they didn’t like them anymore and had apparently told their dad a couple of weeks ago. Well this was news to me.

I tried to stay calm and asked what they did want instead and got nothing but, "I don't know" and a whole heap of attitude ... and yeah it hurt. Because I’ve always told my kids that if they don’t like something in their lunch, they can just say so and we’ll change it. No big deal. But that morning I felt blindsided and honestly a bit like the villain in a story I didn’t even know I was in.

Here's the post on Instagram for reference (it was Facebook where the comments got crazy though - why does it always happen on that platform!?):

From Venting to Viral: The Comments Roll In

I shared the experience online, mostly as a way to vent and connect. And people did connect - the comments poured in.

Some people offered support, whilst others shared stories about their own families, and some got deeply involved in the ethics of sandwich-making.

Suddenly, what started as a post about being blindsided by a sandwich situation turned into something else entirely ... a full-blown debate about whether I was a terrible mother for still making my kids’ lunches and how they’d never develop properly because of it.

One comment said "no way I'd be making my kids lunches at that age let alone cutting crusts and starting mandarin peels, let them grow."

Another went as far as to say "you are creating a monster, who will then expect in the future, for his wife to do it."

Let Me Be Clear: My Kids Are Capable

Look I get it ... we all come from different backgrounds. Some people see making kids' lunches as a chore their kids should own and that's cool.

But here’s the thing: so do mine. My kids can make their own lunches. They’re more than capable ... but sometimes I like doing it.

It's a way I show care and honestly it just makes mornings run smoother. It’s not about ability - it’s about connection.

Lunchboxes and Love Languages

I shared in my Instagam Stories that my own mum, who ran a business and raised four kids, still made our lunches every single day. Not because we couldn’t but because it was one small way she showed up for us. A moment of care in a chaotic day, and that's stayed with me.

Making lunch isn’t stopping my children from becoming functioning adults. It doesn’t mean they’ll be incapable or entitled. It means that in this one tiny way, I’m helping lighten their load - just as I hope they’ll do for others someday.

The Judgement Culture in Parenting

What surprised me most though, was how quickly people jumped to judgment. There’s such a strong desire in parenting culture to find "the right way" but the truth is there isn’t one.

We all show up differently.

For some, that means handing over the lunchbox responsibilities early on. For others, it means cutting the crusts until graduation day - neither is wrong.

No One Right Way

So let me say this clearly: Just because I still make my child’s lunch doesn’t mean they aren’t independent. And just because someone doesn’t make lunches doesn’t mean they love their kids any less.

We all express care in different ways.

It’s 2025. If we can let kids choose whether they want grapes or crackers surely we can let parents choose how they express love, support, and structure.

In the End, It’s About Grace

And to the lovely people who took the time to comment ... whether you shared memories of your own parents doing the same, told me you made your own lunches and turned out fine, or just said "hey same here" - thank you.

It’s not about whether we all do things the same way. It’s about whether we can hold space for each other’s choices without judgement. That’s what really means something to me.

At the heart of it, it's not really about sandwiches. It's about grace. For our kids. For ourselves. And maybe even for each other.